Kai Downes is a relationship expert and matchmaker specializing in helping male clients better understand women, build communication skills and work through conflict resolution. She is a co-founder & Creative Director of The Love Listeners a phone-based dating and relationship consulting service. Connect now on UenMe/KaiDownes
What inspired you to get into relationship therapy?
I have always known what I wanted to do. My wisdom about relationships, ability to empathize, my strong intuition about people and my interest in love started at a very young age. To this day I invest my time in learning as much as I can about people and the way they react, feel and overcome obstacles in relationships. I worked at a high-end matchmaking service company, spent many years helping clients, and the more they grew to trust me the more I was able to coach and guide them to where they wanted to be. Since there is no support offered (especially in the online dating world) I decided to start a company to not only offer guidance but also to give people an unbiased and trustworthy opinion as well as someone to lean on when going through the rough patches of love.
What do you do?
I am a relationship expert and matchmaker, specializing in helping male clients better understand women, build communication skills and conflict resolution. I am the creative director and co-owner of The Love Listeners Inc., a phone-based dating and relationship consulting service. The Love Listeners offer every client their own 1-on-1 experienced relationship expert to focus on their personal story to provide a customized solution. We are a great source for those looking for support when dating or even within a current relationship. The Love Listeners team has over 30 years of combined experience and have helped thousands of singles and couples from all backgrounds find success in love!
The great thing about speaking to an expert that does not know you on a personal level is that I can tell you what your friends cannot
What can someone calling you expect?
They can expect a warm and honest attitude with a positive and patient approach. The great thing about speaking to an expert that does not know you on a personal level is that I can tell you what your friends cannot. A friend’s role is there to be supportive of you and is almost always on your side. They can’t always tell you that you are doing the wrong things on a date. I can. You can call me to be just a comforting ear to listen or give you “tell it like it is” feedback.
How can you help someone through UenMe?
It is a huge benefit to the client because I get to see them and the way they are dealing and responding to what the situation may be in real time. When you reach me on UenMe you can get personal and talk to me about whatever you are feeling or going through and I will be there to not only listen but to offer my input and support. I also find this very helpful for clients that need to speak about something urgently and cannot always set up an appointment or wait for me to return their call.
How do you usually setup client/therapist relationships?
Usually I meet my clients through a referral by another client, through social media or articles published in online magazines. Once they reach out to me and share their story I like to learn as much as I can about them in order to teach them the skills that apply to them specifically.
How often are you available and when is the best time to call you?
Anytime that I am not already speaking to someone that needs support I am eager to answer anyone that reaches out to me. Due to my busy client schedule that is constantly changing you can also direct message to me on social media to request a time to speak and I will make it happen!
Why is it necessary to get a relationship therapist?
No matter who you are or where you are in life, we all have love-related confusions that take up too much of our daily focus.
In every other aspect of life that you want to be successful, it is normal (and sometimes necessary) that you look for support. In finance you hire an accountant, in fitness a trainer, and when it comes to your health you never self diagnose... so why not do the same for love? You trust an expert in their field when it comes to anything you take seriously. Your love life should be just as important to you.
A relationship expert is just another avenue to help you to become successful.
When would you recommend anyone to seek the help of a relationship expert?
I would recommend you speak to a relationship expert if you are serous about finding (or keeping) someone in your life. It’s not about needing help or admitting that there is something wrong with you.
We all could all use a second opinion to have our concerns validated from an unbiased or non-judgmental source. It can be hard to depend on our friends or family for dating advice. You may forget what your partner did but the people in your life that love you will not. You don’t want people to judge your partner or yourself which is why men in particular have a hard time finding the support they may need when it comes to relationships.
How has the internet affected relationships today?
The internet has changed everything in the dating world. What we need to do is update our own communication skills in order to adhere to the new way of interacting with each other.
Before online dating, you would have to meet through a friend, at a bar, at work, or possibly the produce section at your local grocer. When you met naturally everything seemed exciting because you could never be sure of when someone just as amazing would cross your path again. When meeting online you have access to the entire world’s dating pool. Which means that when you come across that one person who gives you butterflies it could happen again with just 3 more swipes. The game of love became even more of a game: How many likes can I get? How many matches want to meet me? How many dates can I go on this week? Dismissing someone that didn't give us sparks at first glance is so easy to do now. However, the fact that you have access to so many different singles from different backgrounds and lifestyles can also be a huge benefit. More accessibility means more selection. The hard part is trying to decipher what the other person is using their dating profile for. The internet is also hard on those committed as even social media has a daily impact on our lives, and it can cause us to overthink a simple "like" or compare ourselves to others which can be very unhealthy. What we need to remember is that we do not all love the same way, including online. It is important to communicate what you are looking for honestly, not only by the things listed in your profile but also by how you appear and behave online. The internet has made us think and judge in a more critical way than ever before, so showcasing the best version of yourself in the most genuine way possible is important. Look at rejection as redirection to something that is even better. Try not to look at online dating as a menu and more as an opportunity.
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